I spent a lot of time in Vegas walking up and down the strip, hanging out in casinos, and blowing a little bit of cash (seriously, a very little bit). On my walks I saw a lot of beautiful women dressed very fashionably. I felt out of place even when wearing my "dressy" clothes (the ONE "dressy" outfit I brought). I realized that since well before Drue was born, I haven't done much to care for my appearance. I haven't worn makeup at all; I wear my glasses daily; and I pretty much always stick with ratty old pants and nine-year-old shirts. Before I go on, let me just say:
1. I love not wearing makeup and the fact that it usually takes me fifteen minutes to get from bed to door. I do not think women need to wear makeup all the time.
2. I love glasses and have worn mine daily for months; and my husband has worn them daily since I met him.
3. Pants and tops are great. Go for it. I wear them all the time.
But I think it's time to start trying again. I know that C would like it if I wore a skirt now and then, wore makeup now and then, and generally cared about my appearance now and then. :) I think I would like it too. Actually I know I would, because yesterday when I was getting ready to take Drue to the mall for our weekly playdate (hate that word), I was getting ready and threw my hair back in a ponytail, put on some ripped jeans, sneakers, and an oversized shirt that really I should only wear when I'm pregnant. I looked in the mirror and saw what I see every day but thought, Wait a minute. Drue's not up yet; I've got at least fifteen minutes until she is. Why don't I put on something nice, throw on a little makeup, and put contacts on my eyeballs? It won't take long, and my hair is clean enough that I don't HAVE to put it back. Let's do this!
And I did. And it's funny... At first, at the mall, I thought people were looking at me because I looked stupid. Surely, I thought, everyone knows I'm just not girly, so why am I trying to be? I look stupid in makeup and have too much on. (Really I didn't at all; I had barely any on.) I was wearing a dress and had my hair pinned halfway back and just felt foolish. But then I saw myself in the reflection of a store window and thought I didn't look half bad, and it struck me: First, people are NOT looking at me; how self-centered AM I? And second, if they are looking at me, maybe it's because I look good, not bad.
From that moment on I felt really confident. Until, on the way home, I spilled a soda down the front of my dress, but that's another story. I went home and put Drue down and spent her naptime going through my closet and reorganizing - and rediscovering - my clothes. I have a good number of cute skirts, and my nice jeans actually fit. I have some really cute tops in there. Now all I have to do is shine my black boots, because today I got some new makeup and a new black cardigan from Gap (with a gift card) and a little casual dress from Old Navy, and I feel like a new me. (Hyperbole.) I even did my hair in a new style this morning - something I NEVER do. So what's an extra fifteen minutes now and then?
I think I've found my girly.