My commute to work three mornings a week is forty minutes long, both ways. That's an hour and twenty minutes of driving three days a week. Usually I preoccupy myself with music during this time. Sometimes with praying. Other times with talking on the phone (to my one friend who is awake that early in the morning). The last two days I have preoccupied my driving time with a new band of old (not in their twenties) dudes, who if you're really close to me you're probably tired of me talking about, called Them Crooked Vultures.
Well, I had to fess up today when I got home and saw my husband and felt guilty...
"Okay," I say out of the blue, to which he responds with a blank-faced, "Huh?" (but doesn't actually say anything).
"I've kind of been crushing on Joshua Homme," I say.
He laughs. "Yeah, well, he's a good looking dude. And he's funny."
But I don't feel any better.
"I've been, like, imagining that he falls in love with me." Realization strikes. "Oh! Not in a, you know, bad way; just in a 'I'm daydreaming that we go to a show and he sees me and falls head over heels and asks me to come up on stage and play a guitar solo with the band, super embarrassing' way."
"Oh." He's still laughing, but he's also getting something out of the refrigerator, so I can't tell if it's a "haha" laugh or a "I'm starting to feel bad" laugh, because I'm still feeling really guilty and feeling worse by the second.
"I still love you most," I say in a pathetic and pleading manner. "I've convenANted with you."
"Stop now," he says.
"But I wanted to say covnenANted," I say. "Really though, I'm sorry."
I'm not sure he liked that I'd been daydreaming about a super rockin' band, but I'm pretty sure he forgave me. Have you ever done this? When I was in the eighth grade, I had a short obsession with the band Metallica. I would be on a family vacation and have on my headphones and be listening to Master of Puppets, and I'd pretend that for some reason, Kirk Hammett (sp?) broke his arm and couldn't play in the Tulsa show, so they tried out guitarists, and I got the gig. And I'd be up on stage wailing with James Hetfield. I used to imagine I played lead guitar for The Rollins Band too. What is with me and pretending I can play guitar?
Well, it seems this blog is turning into a confessions forum. Should I be embarrassed by this?