Lessons in What Not to Write: No. 526: "not unexpected"

I saw a tweet today that got me reeling. I am thankful it was just a tweet and not a book I'm editing. I like the person who wrote this tweet; he's a crafty guy, very good at what he does. But he could use a lesson in "writing worthiness".

Oh, twinges of hypocrisy are bubbling up. I know that very little that I write is exciting and/or worthy. Let me just say that up front. But the subject of this tweet went something like: traffic is really bad; it's not to be unexpected.

What does that sentence leave you feeling? It leaves me feeling like I just wasted time reading that sentence.

Lesson no. 1 in news writing: mans bites dog versus dog biting man. If the story isn't original, then don't write it. If your audience expects that the traffic will be bad, then they don't need to read that it was bad. And THEN be told that it is not to be unexpected. And let's not even get into the double negative issue here.

Today I published a Facebook status that admits to the world that I love to imagine myself playing lead guitar on songs that rock. I do this probably daily. Maybe a little less. Doesn't everyone do that? Anyway, that may be a stupid post; that may be something that no one wants to read; but at least it's not cheating the reader. It's giving them new news.

So, tell us something new, something truly unexpected. Make us feel. The purpose of even Twitter shouldn't be to ALONE write things like: went to the gym; went to the store; went to the gym again; played some golf; wow, it's hot; traffic is bad, but who the hell thought it wouldn't be? etc.

Or maybe that is it's purpose.

Hello!

Well, the first sentence of my last blog is incorrect. My identity isn't new; it has only been added to.

I love this baby more each day. It's quite a ride. I still don't mind getting up nights, mostly because I only have to do it once now, though we're having to sort of work toward the "once." Meaning, when she wakes up at 1:30, I have to go in and pat her and put in her pacifier, then go back to bed and wait to see if she'll cry and I need to do it again...until I actually feed her at 3:00. But I think she'll start sleeping until 3:00ish without assistance soon.

I was freaking out about her schedule last week but am feeling much better, thanks to the many friends who sent me messages on FB about the topic and the husband who is more understanding than I at times deserve. Right now we're doing a morning nap and a longer afternoon nap, and she's pretty much given up a full evening nap, though she likes to doze here and there before 7:00. A bedtime routine is forming. But most importantly, I'm learning to have an open hand with it all. There are days when the "schedule" just isn't going to work "perfectly," and that's okay. Thank God.

I made it through my first month back to work, which feels great. I look forward to one book in particular next month.

I Am a Mother

My identity has changed.

I've had some baby blues, but last night I had a breakthrough. I realized how bonded I'd become with the baby when I tried to feed her a bottle at 11 p.m. and wanted to cry. Let's be honest: did cry.

There's nothing wrong with bottles or formula. This is just my experience.

I also realized how much I love my baby when I went to Target to pick up some diapers and smelled them, and a huge smile crossed my face and I wanted to rush home to her.

I'm also starting to get used to being up nights. It's difficult but truly getting easier - something I hadn't thought about. I don't know why, but I honestly didn't think that this could get "normal." Thank God it does. Of course, I'm talking about one night here. We'll see if I'm spewing the same come tomorrow and the next day.

Collin has been great about bearing the load with me. We're lucky in that he doesn't have an eight-to-five, in-office job, and I have the month off, so now that I can drive, he makes sure I can get out a little. I was freaking out about him leaving during the day at first (mostly because I want to be selfish and NOT tied to my house and live the life I lived before, free as a bird), but a dear friend reminded me that who I am a wife and mother is probably much more sane than who I would be (and have been) without.

Anyway, here is our little Drue bear.


I sang "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" to her the other day while she was settling down, and I realized how much she depends on us, as we are to depend on Jesus. What a beautiful picture painted before me. Unfortunately, I forget it all too often and think I'm doing this all alone. Thank God I'm not. And thank God she's not.

"Other refuge have I none
I helpless hang on thee
Leave, oh, leave me not alone
Support and comfort me
All my trust on thee is stayed
All help from thee I bring
Cover my defensless head
In the shadow of thy wing."

Let's be honest: I had trouble not boo-hooing through this verse.

In a change of subject...
I never thought I'd have to have a c-section, especially for such a tiny thing. I took the tape off my incision today. Strange to think that's where she finally came from - after a labor to remember. I'd go back and do it again in a heartbeat.

Still getting used to this mother thing though.

"They float down here. And when you're down here, you'll float too!"

I finished Jodi Picoult's The Pact this morning. I don't know what I think about the ending. The whole book was depressing. Parents who don't know their kids; kids who don't know who they are. It was well written and compelling, as usual; she's one of those who can break rules and it's OK. But the ending. Was it too quick? I like that she ended with the climax and wrapped up in an epilogue, but I felt there was one bit of information lacking.

I don't want to ruin this book for anyone, so that's all I'll say, but if you've read The Pact, did you think there was at least one bit of information lacking in the epilogue, or did you love how it was done?

My husband is finally conquering his fear of Stephen King's It. He's been afraid of the story, or the Pennywise the clown, since the movie came out on TV in 1990. He's on page 753 of the book now and loving it, which is validating to me, as it's one of my favorite books.

I would love it if he started reading fiction regularly. He's already a great idea man and has been helping me with my novel a bit (although sometimes I have to tell him to save it; the plot is the plot, and these other fantastic ideas can go into other stories), and I think his reading fiction will make for some fun conversation. Not as though we don't already have great conversation, but how cool would it be to talk about psychology, research, AND story, among other things, of course.

4:54 p.m. + 7 working days

Just finished an incredibly sad and moving story about an American nurse working in Saudi Arabia. Remind me to tell you about it.

In other news: just finished the backmatter for an incredibly sad and moving story about an American nurse working in Saudi Arabia. Remind me to tell you how to get a copy of the book once it releases.

And finally: the book does has some non-sadness about it.

Awry in Arabia by Mary D. Kavanwal

Psycho Editor is Unable to See Beyond Technicalities, Becomes Depressed

I've noticed that I often get so caught up in structure that I forget character - that, to me, structure trumps character. But this seems crazy. Could this be true?

When I've asked job candidates the question, "What makes or breaks a (fiction) book for you?" nine times out of ten the candidate's answer has been "character." And nine times out of ten I have snickered and thought, How cliche. Do you really know what you mean by that?

But the truth is: character is a fine answer. Often times whether I've liked or cared about a character was the reason I kept reading a book and didn't throw it across the room. So why do I have such trouble digging into this area when I'm editing a book? Why is it always: plot structure, holes, story questions, plates, stimulus-response, dialogue tags, etc.?

Probably because these are the things I studied in grad school. But also because these are simply the things that stick out to me.

Last month, however, I felt I did at least one of my authors a disservice by not talking character and focusing on other, what I thought were, larger issues. And maybe they were larger issues, but regardless of whether this author goes back and fixes all of her dialogue and answers or doesn't answer certain story questions, there is still the issue of, Do I really know and love these characters? What could she do to make me care about them more?

It's not as I don't have pages and pages of knowledge on this stored away as well. I just seldom bring it up. Ugh.

This month: I focus on character. I see what happens. I dig deeper. I don't forget about the rules, but I am honest about how I feel about the characters in the books I'm editing and whether they really impact the reader.

This month: I get back to work on my novel.

This month: I have a baby.

This month: Angela and I make this magazine happen.

And then I don't sleep for a while, because hey, it's May. I can't believe it's already May. I had a big realization when I left work Thursday that today it would be May. And months go fast. And at the end of this month comes new life. Whoa.

A Follow Up

BACK TO HUMOROUS CREATIVE NON-FICTION:

A writer friend asked what I ended up sharing with the author whose memoir I edited and posted on earlier this month.

Had I given the book more time before posting I would have seen that there were moments of depth in the story and ultimatley a well-contructed story with a clear story arc. I spent most of my notes discussing story structure, tense, and the inclusion of a second voice. However, there was also something to be said about the at-times too intense humor toward the beginning of the book.

So I addressed where the author was pushing it; where hyperbole was too obvious; where humor could have worked better if focused differently (e.g.,not just on sex; that gets boring, is too easy, and can exude an image the author doesn't want to portray). That's not to say I don't appreciate both brokenness and redemption. I do. I read mainstream women's fiction and get a kick out of the crass humor at times. But there's no denying it can be a little...bleh. Have you SEEN SNL lately?

It was a good read, and I'm excited to look over the polished product next month.

An Awakening of the Mind

A fellow editor and I were walking back to our computers after a nice walk to Homeland, and she asked, "Bruce Springsteen or Huey Lewis?" I had to go with Huey Lewis. I don't know much Springsteen but grew up with The News. Then she said, "Huey Lewis or Billy Joel?" I had to go with Billy Joel. Then somehow Phil Collins came up, and she said, "He beats 'em all!"

I realized that growing up I thought that every Phil Collins song I heard on the radio was just a Phil Collins song. I knew of a band called Gensis, didn't I? But weren't they just a side project for Phil Collins for some short period of time?

Well, no. Duh.

I then realized that I now knew that Genesis was something bigger than I'd always suspected, but that I'd still never learned much about the band. So, I finally took to Wikipedia tonight and learned about Genesis, and whoa...what a project. I had no idea. Basically every Phil Collins song I ever loved growing up (aside from "In the Air Tonight" and "Sussudio" and the song about the homeless lady) was indeed a product of Genesis. Even less did I know that Peter Gabriel (holy cow) was the original singer of this band.

I am now up to speed on Genesis, at age 30.

"If you didn't do some crying while writing this book, then the book's not done."

QUESTION: Can a person write his or her autobiography or memoir (there is a distinct difference) without crying at some point?

I'm editing a memoir right now that is very well done. There are some issues to be addressed, sure. But they're all very common and easy fixes (so far), except for one...

The author is good at humor. This is a skill. This is great. I read the Table of Contents and laughed. That was good.

Yes, there are moments that the humor can be cut, when it is forced or the hyperbole is too obvious. No problem. But this is a story about brokenness and disfunction. It is the story of a mother, daughter, and daughter's daughter trio. There are some really sad truths behind the humor, and sometimes I want to cry instead of laugh, but I can't, because the author won't let me. She forces me to laugh.

Is this good? Is it okay? Will readers feel cheated, or am I just an emotional basketcase who enjoys crying too much?

I've written some of my own story, and there was a lot of crying involved in that endeavor. Perhaps I didn't see enough humor in it as I was writing; there's definitely humor there; but that wasn't the purpose of the exercise, so maybe what I'm really doing here is asking this author to do what I did. Maybe I'm being too subjective.

In conclusion, because I'm clearly failing to pull my thoughts together: I'm going to think through these things and find a cohesive way to express them to the author. Currently my note reads: "Your reader wants to feel like you’re telling the truth more often. If you didn’t do some crying while writing this book, then the book’s not done. Some of the harsh reality needs to come through; I think a person who picks up this book doesn’t want just a humor book. And a book that makes you laugh AND cry will make you all the more marketable."

Still thinking...

(Also, in case you were wondering, that's only a snippet of my thoughts-note.)

A Trip Down Memory Lane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8myK93FqbYc

My grandmother loved the Mills Brothers. We used to listen to their tapes in her car, and so I loved them too.

I was in an after-school program for a short time in the fifth grade, and the lady who ran the program created an Olympics event that included who could jump rope the longest, etc. One of the competitions was a dance competition. The rules were: you choreograph the dance (the first time I'd heard the word choreograph) and you choose the song. Only the song couldn't be longer than two minutes.

The movie Dirty Dancing had just come on the scene, and "I've Had the Time of My Life" had hit the radio waves big time. There were I think three of us who entered the dance competition: myself, Julie H., and Amanda R. The OBVIOUS choice was to go with "I've Had the Time of My Life," but I wanted to be original. I went with the Mills Brothers' "Opus One." Oh yeah.

So, the big day comes, and Amanda and Julie go up to do their self-choreographed dances, but the opener to the song "I've Had the Time of My Life," you'll remember, is rather long and BORING. Let's have a refresher, shall we?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH0lEVMuzzw

You'll notice that by the time the ticker hits two minutes, we're barely into the dance-worthy part of the song. (Please note I'm being sarcastic. I realize one can dance to the beginning portion of that song with much feeling and grace. However, I remember one of my competitors spent almost a full minute lying on the ground before rising in an "I've just woken up" sort of way, etc. We were in the fifth grade!)

Cut to: Meghan runs out to her starting position and busts a dance to "Opus One," a two-minute (almost exactly) song that nobody expects!

Looking back, I'm sure that all of the kids my age were laughing at me and making fun of me behind my back. "What a GEEK!" But the lady who ran the program: she loved it. I took home the cardboard gold medal. And I think I won the silver in jump roping.

All this to say, thanks Kylie for randomly getting "Glow Worm" stuck in your head today and boldly sharing with two bewildered co-workers. This has been a fun trip down memory lane.

"I can't kill anything that tickles me, Hank."

Just before I got married I started watching King of the Hill on DVD. I'd watched it on Fox when I had basic cable and lived alone. When I moved in with my friends, I no longer had cable but needed to get my KOTH fix, so I started buying it. I started with season three then got seasons six and five as gifts. After we were married, I went through a phase of watching KOTH pretty much constantly (still no cable). One day my husband had had enough. He turned off the show that was playing while I washed dishes, put it in its case, and took every case of KOTH sitting around the living room and put it away.

Maybe it was just the fact that the discs were no longer readily available. Maybe I was actually tired of them and didn't realize it until he put them away. Maybe I was just taking the hint and giving him a break. But I stopped watching King of the Hill that day and haven't regularly pulled it out of its hiding place since.

Today I did. And I love it.

Feet

I'm having to get up from my desk more frequently now. My feet feel burny and swollen.

P.S. I just left this up on my desktop and was going to go for a short walk around the facility when I ran into some acquisitions reps, one of whom, after a short conversation about having to get up and walk around quite a bit (prompted by the question: how are you feeling?) loaned me her footstool! I'm using it now. It is wonderful (sigh of relief).

Drue Alison Barnes

We had a third ultrasound today. The doc wanted to check her kidneys. Turns out everything has matured well, and things look great. And we got this great profile picture out of it!

Found a crib and dresser/changing table. Ecstatic. This is starting to feel very real.

Iiiiiiiit's FRIDAY!

Listening to: Silence.

Accomplished today:

Team meeting. Fielded general questions, mostly involving what to do when a book has gone to layout and the author sends new info, like endorsements. Everyone has a book he/she is really excited about this month. I must admit, I'm a bit jealous that Angela picked up the Solomon's wife story, but I've got two fine books to tackle, so I'm good. Very good.

Edited. Worked on a fantasy story today. Mostly honing in on dialogue tags, as the story is very well put together. Possible problem in sleeping patterns. The author might be married to the day-by-day approach, but I've just started so we'll see.

Book club. Working through and discussing Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. We read a couple of really dark chapters this week. Trying to figure out August's motivation and whether I really think the protagonist is male. (I know he is; I just can't get over the fact that it took me quite a few pages to realize he was.)

Grammar meeting. Learned something new about implied subjects and when a comma is necessary in a sentence such as, "Now, go ahead and open the book, and turn to page four." Because the subject, you, is implied for both clauses but is nowhere to be found in the sentence, the comma separating the two is acceptable, correct even. Except in this case I'd argue it is not necessary because the second clause is so short. If the sentence were to read, "Now, let's go ahead and open the book and turn to page four," no comma is necessary because the subject, us, is there, and both verbs refer back to it. But enough about that.

Magazine brainstorm. Indeed this magazine idea is starting to come to life. We're this close to settling on a name, which will help focus our communication and really let us figure out where we're going with the mag. I like the team we've put together and can't wait to see what kind of logos KP comes up with once we settle on a name. Being able to visualize it a bit better will work wonders.

Editing. Well, blogging. As soon as I hit Post, editing. Then home. Then Red Lobster. I haven't been there in years. All I remember is waiting for a table for a REALLY long time. Let's hope that isn't the case tonight.

On a personal note: Husband is sick. Baby is kicking. Stomach is rumblig. Feet are swollen. I can't wait to see dear friends tomorrow and Sunday. How I love the weekend.

Grace and Peace.

Green March

Starting a new batch of books and loving every minute of it. I have a younger author this month. He's publishing his first with us, and I'm thrilled to have been assigned the book. I think we'll make a good team. He seems to have a solid understanding of what an editor and writer do, how they relate and work together. I've already got some good feedback for him and can't wait to see how this book grows. Not a bad start to a new month.

In other news: baby is growing. She now has a middle name: Alison. I'm scared to death one minute and ecstatic the next. I can't wait to gut my house in preparation and am counting down the minutes to the allotted time to do so.

I never believed "nesting" was real. It is.

Quickly!

REPORT: Started writing up a handout on viewpoint today. Did not come close to finishing.

I have a lot to accomplish in the next two weeks.

WRITE UP TWO BACKMATTERS
FINISH NOTES ON 1 MS
FINISH VP HANDOUT AND SEND TO TEAM
FINISH TIM CALLAHAN'S DARK DAYS IN MORGAN COUNTY
WRITE RADIO SHOW (BREAKTHROUGH) X2
REVIEW TEAM'S BACKMATTER AND CAFs
OTHER STUFF

We're going to Dallas tomorrow. Should be interesting.

Notes

ACCOMPLISHED TODAY: research; almost finished editing "take charge of your kitchen and still have a life" cook book, love it; reviewed children's backmatter; no meetings, if you can believe it.

We have a team meeting next Friday to discuss point of view. As I mentioned, it's been on my mind. I pulled out pages of old notes on the subject today. Can't wait to go back over them. I was searching through my notes because I was looking for notes on subplot and resolution. Here are a few of the ideas that came to mind:

dominant impression - every major character needs one, lest they all look/sound/feel the same

plates - these are small questions you toss up throughout the story to keep the reader engaged/worried/questioning; the key is that they all must be answered; it's the classic "gun on the mantel" issue - if there's a gun on the mantel, it's got to be used at some point; all plates should be resolved before the story climax.

subplots - these are fantastic; just make sure the reader doesn't become confused as to which is the main plotline; the first subplot usually has to do with the protagonist's inner struggle; there's usually another that the antagonist is "in charge" of; subplots should also be resolved before the story climax.

more on general story resolution and open-ended questions later...

attitude is everything

need to: write thank you notes; pray more for loved ones, colleagues, and authors; read for book club; think more before responding; not concern myself so much with what was said after responding; stop eating so much sugar; register for baby stuff

thankful for: community, honesty, and openness; girlfriends; maternity clothes; my kittehs; a husband who loves me; this life in my belly

thinking about: point of view, seinfeld, how fat i'm getting, work, the future

do not like: our futon

Childhood Memories Make Meggo and Crazy Girl

In 1987 I was in the third grade. I was new to Union Public Schools and attended Darnaby Elementary. I was an instant nerd, looked down upon because I didn't own Guess jeans with zippers near the ankle. I hated the third grade.

That year there was a talent show for all grades.

Mrs. Duckworth's class (that was my class) walked single file and silently into the gymnasium and sat in one long row on the white floor. I remember we were sitting just to the right of center stage and quite a few rows back. I had no idea what was going on. I don't even know if I realized we were about to witness a talent show (which I would participate in two years later as a fifth grader, lip synching to "I'm Gonna Buy Me a Dog" by the Monkeys, and again as a sixth grader, when I sang along to a tape of Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings"). I was probably too preoccupied worrying about how all the girls in my class hated me and how in the world was I going to get them to like me?

I don't remember any of the acts but one. Two sixth grade boys - one on guitar, the other I can't remember - played and sang Yes's "Owner of a Lonely Heart."

Whatever I had previously been preoccupied with disappeared when these two started playing. I was captivated. I'd never seen live music like this. I'd heard my dad and his brothers sing barbershop quartet. I'd heard lots of live singing, sure. But I'd not seen an electric guitar in action. I'd not realized that people performed in this way. I'm afraid I didn't even know what rock music was. I knew the Beach Boys. Well, I guess since I knew the song I knew a little something about music, but I must have just heard it on my mother's radio station one day, because what my parents really listened to the Beach Boys, the Beatles, and Kenny Rogers.

Anyway, these kids, according to my memory, were amazing. They were not lip synching. They were performing "Owner of a Lonely Heart," and they were awesome...and flawless. Again, this according to my memory. But they were.

Years later I would think about that performance and wonder, Were they really singing live? I was always still pretty certain they were, but it stuck with me. The song stuck with me. Everytime I've heard it over the years, I've thought of that talent show.

Well, recently - over Christmas - I decided I might try to find out if my memory was correct. Collin and I were home for the holidays, and I pulled out my old 1987 Darnaby Rangers yearbook (the one with the Guess symbol on the cover) and looked up the sixth grade class. I knew I would recognize at least one of the boys who sang "Owner of a Lonely Heart" because I remembered he had a specific look about him.

I found him. His name was...well, maybe I shouldn't say...but I found him. Collin was there. He looked at me like I was a little crazy and said..., "Oh." (But he has to admit that he was at least a little curious too. I mean, sixth graders rocking live? Come on.) After Christmas we came back to Norman, and some days later I looked this guy up on Facebook.

No go.

At this point I realize you probably think I'm a stalker or just nuts, but you know what? I don't really care.

So, I didn't find him, and I let it go.

Then today... I thought about the song again. I don't even remember why, but I thought it couldn't hurt to try again. So, I looked him up, and someone's picture came up that fit the description.

Dare I write this guy?

Me being me, I did, really without much thought.

Well, long story short, it was him. He had played in the 1987 talent show, and he and his friend had NOT been lip synching but had played live the previously mentioned song by Yes.

I was thrilled. He was flattered. My husband is glad I have peace. End of story.

Speaking of the Beach Boys, I was talking to my mother today about nursery colors. I told her I've been thinking purples and browns and maybe some green. She asked what shades and asked whether I have a theme in mind. I told her I don't like the brightest or darkest shades of any of those colors, so I'm thinking soft, and I have no idea about a theme. I asked her, "Do you think I should do some sort of storybook theme?" She responded, "Well, you know I'm not all cutesy [nor am I, thought daughter], so I don't know. What about the Muppets? You always loved them. You could brainwash her with the Muppets like your dad did you the Beach Boys."

I laughed. "Perfect," I wrote. "How about a Muppet mural so that every time she wakes up at night and sees the wall, she is terrified?"

Mom wrote back, "So, how about these colors: Fozzy Bear brown, Kermie green, and Miss Piggy purple."

Perfect.

Axe That Prologue!

Was at dinner Sunday, and a woman across the table had just read Twin Motives, a book I edited. She loved it. I was thrilled.

My team of editors had a quick discussion last Friday about a 2,000-word piece one of my colleagues had sent around. It was the first 2,000 words of one of her mss.

What a great discussion. From 2,000 words came the topics:

When a prologue and/or epilogue is unnecessary
Viewpoint
Showing v. telling
Religiosity – when is a book over the top; how do you approach it; one way is to address character flaws as well as realistic dialogue
When a character is too perfect – what makes a good hero
Dialogue
Narrative breaks

Not only were these great topics to discuss, but I was able to see how each of my team members would have tackled the book. I was the only one who said the prologue gets the axe. And I was right.

I see more of these meetings in our team's future.