I bought something today that I shouldn't have. A digital converter box and accompanying antenna. I bought it because really I'm ready to start having a few television stations at my command. Not because I want to watch television all the time, though I have to admit: when I sat down on the couch this evening before C got home and looked at the boxes, I thought, Will my old habits return with this thing? Will I be watching TV all the time again?
I haven't watched much TV since we were married. We had rabbit ears when rabbit ears still worked, but they didn't work well even before this whole converter thing happened. I could barely get channel 9 but of course got OETA. Which was great. I loved watching the British shows Sunday nights before bed. But then the converter thing happened, and I didn't know there was a $40 coupon, and so I missed it. And we just never got one. We just watched our Netflix, and that was fine. We've even talked about how that is fine (many times), though in the back corner of my mind I've always thought, Gee, I'd love to have one of those converters. I want to watch [insert stupid show name here]. So today, without thinking thrice, and with the thought that Collin wanted one (have no idea where that came from), I went to Walmart to get one.
I quickly found out that they don't sell them anymore. So I went to Radio Shack. They do sell them, but theirs are more expensive than Target's...but "better." And they have a payment plan when you sign up for a credit card that has no yearly fee or charges for notusing it. So really, in my mind, it's a better deal. But that's beside the point...
So, I did it. I made up a conversation in my head that C and I had never had, tricking myself (?) into believing that he, too, wanted this contraption and that the payment plan made it all OK.
Aaaaand I was wrong. Why was I wrong? Mostly because I've gotten on to C in the past for buying things, and here I am busting out way too much money on something I haven't even talked to him about. And oh yeah, that conversation? It never happened. He doesn't even want TV. He's a-okay with Netflix, and for good reason.
So we're at a crossroads. I can take it back. I really don't care that much. I don't need television. I like that my days include mostly silence or music (plus baby). I like that I'm not a slave to the tube. There's not much on worth watching anyway. But I feel embarrassed that I thought he'd be excited about it when in fact he was the opposite. And that makes me angry.
Angry and embarrassed are not a good combo.